Tibetan Treefrog Publishing

Sample from If I Could Script a Date
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By the Treefrog Trio

BOY: (To audience) Psycho fluffy bunnies. That's what they are. It is impossible to figure out what girls want. They always want to talk about emotions and touchy feely things. I don't ask for much. Sure, I want the girl to be hot, as in Pamela Anderson hot. Of course looks aren't everything. After all I'm a sensitive guy. She would have to be cool inside too. Kind of like my buddy Pete. Pete can drink a beer in one breath and then belch his ABC's up to the letter "P". Now that would be awesome. A face and bod like Pamela Lee and the personality of Pete. Man, if a could just script a date.......

Setting: two chairs and a table at a sports bar

BOY: Dude!
GIRL: Dude!
(Give each other high-fives and a secret hand shake)
BOY: You order already?
GIRL: Yeah, steak, bloody and still mooing.
BOY: Steak good, I'll have one.
GIRL:(Screaming at waitress) Hey chicky babe, how bout some service?
(Waitress approaches)
BOY: Steak, rare.
GIRL: And two beers, separate tickets. (Gives waitress a wink)
BOY: What did you come in?
GIRL: It is soooooo sweet. I'm in my cherried out 83 Impala with a 355 big block, two overhead carbs, supercharger, with dual glass packs, a 6 inch lift with 20 inches front and back and fuzzy dice.
BOY: (To audience, giving thumbs up) YES! (To girl) Been waiting long?
GIRL: (Ignoring his question) Did you check out the legs on that waitress? Ouch hurt me.
BOY: (Taken aback a bit) Uhhh yeah, she's okay.
GIRL: Sweet, the games on. (Looking up at a tv)

(15 second of silence as they both watch the game making facial expressions from time to time to hint at the action)

GIRL: I got to take a dump.
BOY: (Shocked) Okay.

BOY: (To audience) This isn't quite what I expected. Maybe I should tone it down a bit; a little more feminine maybe?
(As the girl approaches the boy rises to get her chair for her)
GIRL: I feel better, I've got room for that steak now. (Grabs chair giving him a funny look and then turns the chair and sits on it backward. Her focus is back towards the tv)
BOY: Your hair looks really pretty tonight.
GIRL: (Looking down from the tv for line and then looks right back) What? Are you queer or something?
BOY: No, NO! I was just trying to be nice. You're really pretty and I thought maybe you would like.....
GIRL:( Interrupting) GOAL!!! GOAL!!!! (Jumps up and is moving around as if giving high-fives to others in the bar) What were you saying?
BOY: Nothing, I just thought that you....
GIRL: (As the boy is talking the girl picks up a beer and chugs it interrupting belching the letters) A, B, C
BOY: (To audience) STOP! STOP! She can't do this! (To girl) You can't do this! I'm writing the script! This is my date. You have got to be the crudest most disgusting pig!!!!
GIRL: (Throws head back and give a big pig squeal) Oh, I know you didn't just say that! (Stands up and throws the chair to the side)
BOY: What?
GIRL: You and me right now! (Shoves boy in the chest) Baby, it's go time (Exits)
BOY: Wait! Come back Pete, I mean Pamela, I mean.... (To audience) I don't know what I mean. (Sits at table with head down as girl enters)