The bell rings and the children file out the door

only half the class

the "bus kids" left 5 minutes ago

I say goodbye and tell them all to have a great weekend

My eyes scan the cubbies

floor

desks

for abandoned coats

bags

books

glitter lip gloss

insects in mayonnaise jars

with fork-poked tops

I am exhausted

No one can know the energy transferred

each day

in a grade school classroom

Them

tired as they shuffle in

sucking energy

from my coffee induced

morning cheer

"How are we doing today?

Isn't the sunshine wonderful? Blah Blah"

By midday it is me that must vampire energy

vacuuming as much as I can

from the power created by

tickle giggles

colored pictures

and hugs

Back and forth

all day

Until

I sit

drained

unable to move

They barely have energy left

to go home and play for another 5 hours

Each child seems to leave a bit of themselves behind each Friday

half gnawed pencils

smells

memories

At the far left desk

front of the room

I see Jessica has papers

bursting from under the hinged top

as if fighting each other for air

A great wrinkled globule

I pry myself from the comfort of my chair

A soft pleather

Purchased by me for $49.99

on sale at Sam's

with my temporary card

given because

I am a teacher

One of those hidden perks that keep people assured

that this job is too easy

and we are overpaid

It had been the first time I had sat down all day

I rise and move slowly toward the white-lined blob

vomiting itself from beneath the desktop

I can make out the name on one of the papers

Jessica

with the "c" backwards

Jessica is beautiful child

dark deep chocolate marble eyes

flawless skin

the color of linseed-oiled mahogany

long black hair

Her mother told me she was Native American

I remember making a note of it on a pink post-it

All our Thanksgiving worksheets use the word Indian

I hoped to avoid conflict

Jessica had fallen behind

failing many tests

When I asked if there was

something else wrong

she shared with me

not one

but both of her parents were in jail

mom, hot checks

dad, DUI

number three

Jessica was with grandma

again

Last year

she spent time there as well

The family was evicted

They found a rental

out of our district

so Jessica stayed at Grandma's

I drove her home to her parents once

she was staying after school with me for extra tutoring

she used to beg me to stay after school even when it wasn't her night

"Can I go home with you?"

I can't do that

So many times I wanted to say,

"Yes, you can come and live with me

so you can become all the great things I know you have inside

So you have a chance."

But I quickly come back to the reality of it all

Not my child

As I pulled into the driveway of the rental house

her father waved and gave me a smile

He was finishing what was left in his Bush Lite can

In front of him was a large box

scattered parts of a new gas grill

I had seen it at Sears earlier in the week for $259.00

Nice one

but too much money for me

I wanted to leap from my car

grab the man and scream

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

YOUR CHILDS DRESSES ARE TWO SIZES TOO SMALL

NO HOME

NO TOYS

NO LOVE

AND YOU GO AND BUY A $259.00 GRILL?

WHAT PSYCHO

BIZARRE

FREAKED-OUT REALITY DO YOU LIVE IN?!

WELL ?!

But instead I wave back

half smile

and back down the drive

My job forces me to bite my tongue

off

if need be