I was born

We were born

3:15 am

March 5th

Mercy County Hospital

C-section

Me alive

attached to my sister

Alexandria

Alex for short

Alex was leaching off my organs

my heart

kidneys

lungs

Because of

Alex

I was weak

Dying

She was going to be

the death of us both

At separation

my parents had a priest

read last rights

Alex was buried in a small

mahogany coffin

secured beneath the frozen ground.

March 12th

My sister

for just seven days.

I was told of this

when I was twelve

The large scar that ran

from my arm pit

to my hip

finally explained

Years of lies

from my parents

about a childhood

accident

with a plate glass window

dissolved

Twelve years old

and my ache began

A sudden realization

of what I had missed

As an only child

I longed for

companionship

Never did I get to giggle

late at night

beneath covers

about boys

A cold bed

alone

was my past

my childhood

Never did I get to swap

special sister secrets

dolls

clothes

I missed her now

I would have shared it all

friendship

bed

toys

my organs

my heart.

I remember being angry

at my parents

for killing Alex

She was part of me

not them

I should have had a choice

Separation

is impossible

at times

I wouldnt have been able to do it

myself

I would rather have

died

than to separate

It seems

even when the person

is sucking you dry

Using you to live

Killing you

Separation is hard

I guess I never changed

In college I dated

a curly headed

pipe smoking

intellectual type

He was smart

lazy

poor

needy

smart

He latched right on

piggybacked

Within two weeks

he gave up his rent

and moved in

no car

no job

no worries

moved in

At the time

I carried

18 credit hours

slept 20 hours

worked 30 hours

and tended to HIM

Lets see

do the math

168 total in a week

minus, 18,20,30

100 hours

100 hours of

cooking his meals

I skipped writing an essay

on Jonathan Swift

100 hours of

cleaning his clothes

I need more sleep

100 hours of being his friend

Falling behind

His mother

Losing control

His lover

Failing

His life support

WHO AM I!!!

His organs

heart

lungs

brain

Killing me

but I could not separate

He needed me

I wasnt going to let it happen

again

He was draining me

but

he was part of me

My decision

not my parents

He left me on a rainy Monday

Packed his Army surplus

sea bag

with his

ironed shirts

blinding white

underwear

socks

five of my CDs

Telling me

I was too controlling

and he had been sleeping

with another

chick for three months now

Later

No hard feelings

We can still be friends

Right?

He left me bleeding

My side throbbed

I reached down and felt the relief of my scar

beneath a thin cotton shirt

I ran the tip

of my index finger

from top

to bottom

crying

aching

confused

angry about my

separation

Determined not be alone

I rebounded

with a new man

Before I graduated

I was pregnant

I dropped out

He told me I had to

needed to be home with the kid

We married

him nursing a severe hangover

me eight months

swollen

with water

fat

baby

A great white laced

blowfish

I cried when I said

"I do"

To this day

I don't know what kind

of tears they were.