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by Brian Weilert

Nuns

God bless them

Really

Despite the barrage of

brutal

beatings

with 16 penny-nail spiked 2X4’s

Still I have a deeeeep affection

Though

They would tell you

I've been known to lie

a lot

Not about big things

but about little things

Like...

I don't know...

16 penny-nail spiked 2X4’s

and deeeeep affection

 

I was a problem child

loud, LOud, LOUD

couple with

confidence

intelligence

energy abundance

 

Picture,

hyperactive gerbil

caffeine IV drip

while just having consumed

four rufees

from the front shirt pocket

of an over-the-road truck driver

how he got the child proof top off is irrelevant

irrelevant like the

over-the-top metaphor

that is so pregnant

with details

that the original message is

blurred

blurred like the little mind of our rodent

Because with

all that is going on

all that he has consumed

he is scared

the adrenaline dump

that goes with fear

has sent our little friend

over the edge

and he shoots across

the stained tile floor

of the greasy 24 hour diner

tiny legs in a flurry

a high pitched SQUEEEEEL

only to be squished

by the 200 pound penguin

sitting on the end booth

eating buttermilk pancakes

 

Confused?

Simplified

Gerbil

Me

Penguin

any assortment of nuns

 

I give them credit

they didn't kill me

had they not been nuns....

well

 

I overheard two talking

outside the boys bathroom

I paused

I heard my name

"Brian"

freeze

I put my fingers

over my nostrils

closing them off

and blew out

popping my ears

a technique that gave me

super human hearing

doo  dooo doooo doooo

"Brian"

"You think if we prayed

for his soul,

then killed him,

we would be in the clear?"

Laughter

more laughter

"Now we just have one more week before Christmas break.  Hate to kill him so close to the holidays."

More laughter

I couldn't believe

Nuns plotting the murder

of a 12 year old

and laughing

God how they laughed

sorry (do sign of the cross)

 

I waited

waited until they left

then sprinted straight to the monsignor

an office of which I was

all too familiar

"They want to KILL ME!"

I had given him the ammo

to fire a nun

"Your outta here sister!

God does not cohort with murders!"

but he just grimaced

peering over his

rectangular reading glasses,

turning the snow globe

of Santa embracing Jesus

over

and over

and over

in his hands

"Yes, yes"

I was sure the next words would be,

"THEY"RE FIRED!"

instead

"Was there anything else...?”

silence

"No... then you best be getting back to class"

(dumbfounded look)

 

The remainder of the week

when not isolated

from the rest of the class

due to "NUN-issues"

they would call them

"BRIAN-issues"

but I can assure you

I did nothing wrong

a victim of circumstances

wrong place wrong time

mistaken identity

framed

sloppy lab-work

bad cop

I know he used the vulgar

"N" word

NUN

I'm innocent I tell you innocent

 

I kept my "popped" ears

on alert

 

Thursday I thought

I was back in business

as from my "honey hole"

of info

the bathroom

I heard the end of a word

"...ian"

Cover nostrils

blow

POP

I was tuned in

However the word I mistook

for "Brian" was the end

of the word "crying"

as in,

"Please quit crying, we only

have a day left."

"It's just I try so hard to love

him

guide him

but he just won't stop.

I just have horrible thoughts

that a Christian person shouldn't.

A nun shouldn't hate, but that is how I feel sometimes.

Brian just won't stop."

more crying

it was Sister Mary Agnes

my favorite

I really loved her

I couldn't believe it

I had caused a nun to

cry

to hate..

me

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