and 2: AFF
and 4: NEG
Assistant coach to the aff
Assistant coach to the neg
1: Do you
mind if I ask you your paradigm
J: I’m sorry,
I am not sure what you are asking…
2: Do you
have any preferences when it comes to what you like to see…
J: I’m so
sorry, I guess I just…
3: What are
your thoughts on speed?
4: What about
just am not sure…
1: We should
all totally run a Fem-K on the judge.
2: I know…we
should… (to the judge) quit calling
J: But you
all are…guys…right? (NOTE: CUT THIS LINE
label me…you don’t know me.
good? (pause) I’ll take that
as a, “yes.”
2: You two
know our assistants…right?
3: You guys
still carry ten like last year?
A1: Yep, I’m
Bobby…didn’t we debate?
3: Sure did,
last year. I don’t mean to be rude but
didn’t we crush you?
A1: Yeah, I
wasn’t great in high school but now I know everything there is to know about
3: I hear that’s what happens when you go to
A2: K’s good
too? (no answer)...aaaaand yes.
4: And this
is Mark, one of our only eight assistants.
I hate being from a poor school.
All: (to the judge) Open
waiting for an answer) Perfect!
J: I am
sorry…maybe I should leave and have them get someone else…
A1: No…stay, you might just learn something…
J: They told
me I would be a great judge because I was well-educated…but I am not so
sure…this whole speed thing…is that
J: When you
say speed…what do you actually mean?
I’ll be able to follow, right?
4: Maybe, but
it doesn’t really matter that much because we have all debated before, and know
what the other is going to argue so we don’t really listen.
3: Plus, we will just flash the stuff to each other
and read it anyway….and let’s be honest, my arguments will have very little to
do with what they are saying on the actual topic.
1: If you want, when we are done debating you can
request all the evidence and read it for yourself.
J: How long
would that take?
1: I don’t
know…at normal speed? Like four hours I
supposed to stay four hours after the round and read the evidence!?
2: Of course
not, you have to give us an oral critique on who won and why so our assistants
can come in and make you feel stupid before we get to the next round.
J: How can I
even do that, if I don’t know what’s going on?
3: How are
we supposed to know? Everybody just does
it that way.
J: But what
if….I guess I just don’t….they told me I couldn’t make a wrong decision.
1: Well, THEY lied to you.
4: Look we
better get started we are already an hour and twenty minutes behind schedule.
3: You two
still running that same aff?
1: As far as
you know, are you still running that same neg strat?
4: All day
3: What? Still
not buying we are being controlled by an elite race of alien reptiles? Sad.
Keep your heads in the sand.
1: Is the
J: I really
doubt it…but go ahead.
A1: I’ll be
right outside if (pointing to the judge)
J: I saw
A2: Me too…my
ear pressed to the door crack…it’s like I am debating the round with you.
Let’sstartbylookingatwhatiscurrentlygoingoninthesquo. (double clutch breath)
ofcolorbyspendingtwofoldfortheupcomingbudget (triple clutch)
J: I’m sorry to
interrupt, but are you all right?
1: whatareyoutalkingaboutofcourseIamokay (double clutch) ….I mean…yeah
J: I’m so
sorry, I thought you were having trouble breathing and no one else in the room
seemed to even being paying attention…so, you are okay?
Serious? Damn, I forgot to turn
off my timer…how long did I speak?
2: I don’t
know, like two seconds I would guess.
3: Yeah, like
two seconds…whatever. You two want your
flash drive back? We already had your case from last week.
J: Hey, why
we are stopped, can I ask if all of you are going to speak like that?
J: Okay good I was worried a bit because I couldn’t…
1: I hear
you. I like to go a bit slow on the 1AC
so the judge can follow…the rest of them will pick up the pace so don’t worry.
J: Do you
1: You want me to go faster? I didn’t flash my high-flow Aff to them
because I thought you were lay, but if they don’t mind, I could give them the
new one and we could just start over…
3: Cool with
us, but you don’t need to flash it, we downloaded it last week.
J: So are you
going to go faster now? Is that what I
1: I hope so, otherwise I will never get into a good
collegiate program. Others on the circuit
harass me a bit.
3: Now slow
down there molasses, no one is making fun of you. We appreciate your ability
to group and
cross-apply to make up for you shortcomings in the speed department. Plus, I
always find time to play a game or
two of Dig Dug on my phone during
your constructives, which is amazing.
it. I just looked, that aff you started
to read isn’t the one you flashed us.
1: Hold, it
is right!…(talking to 2) did you not
set up the two video loop laptops for our visual aids?
2: Snap! I forgot we were
going to bust the new aff on
them after giving them the wrong one.
4: Why would
you do that?
1: So we
could debate something other than the topic…duh.
2: We thought
it would be awesome to critically debate the whole concept of “disclosure”
with a new twist of
purposeful deceit in order to add not only a new wrinkle but depth to the
alert! Why did you tell me that? Now
I know...it would have been epic.