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News and Events

By Brian Weilert

Dr. Long:Very well, let's go ahead and get started. Why don't you relax, sit down and tell me why you are here.

Bruce:Dr. Long, I just don't feel adequate anymore. I don't think I'm as important as in the past.

Dr. Long:When did this start Mr. Wayne?

Bruce:It started when I realized that in comparison to others in my field, I fell way short of the mark.

Dr. Long:And just what field are we talking about?

Bruce:Crime fighting

Dr. Long:Oh, are you a police officer Bruce? Is it ok if I call you Bruce?

Bruce:That's fine. No, I'm not a cop.

Dr. Long:An attorney? A judge? What?

Bruce:A super hero.

Dr. Long:(laughing) Bruce, if we are ever to make any progress then we must stay on task.

Bruce:Dr. Long, I'm telling the truth. I discovered a cave with bats. Perhaps you've heard of me? I'm...

Dr. Long:(interrupting) BRUCE!

Bruce:Yes, doc?

Dr. Long:We only have a 50 minute hour so really, let's try to stay focused. When did it all start?

Bruce: My first feelings of inadequacy began two years ago when I had a hardened criminal cornered at the end of an alley. He kept laughing at me and joking. I became enraged and attacked. Right when I nearly had him in my hands, he flew into the air and disappeared. It seems he was wearing some sort of jet pack under his purple suit.

Dr. Long:(doubtful) Ok, then what happened?

Bruce:Nothing. That was it. I couldn't do anything about it.

Dr. Long:But Bruce I thought you were a super hero? Why didn't you just take flight and go after him? Why Bruce?

Bruce:Because I can't. I am Ba...

Dr. Long:(interrupting) BRUCE! You couldn't because you are not a super hero. Stand up Bruce and I will show you. Great. Now fly over my head, land behind me and put me in a choke hold. Go.

Bruce:I can't.

Dr. Long:Exactly. Now, sit back down.

Bruce:But... I...

Dr. Long:Quiet! Can we try a little reality for a moment. What is your relationship like with your mother?

Bruce:Doc, that has nothing to do with this. My mother is dead.

Dr. Long:(Taking notes, to self) Infatuated with dead mother....

Bruce:I didn't say that!

Dr. Long:(Taking notes, to self) In a depressed state of denial.....

Bruce:(standing) I didn't say that either!

Dr. Long:(Taking notes, to self) Repeats self, could be schizophrenic....

Bruce:Hey stop it! I'm WARNING YOU!

Dr. Long:(looking up) What are you going to do Bruce? Melt me with your laser eyes?

Bruce:(discouraged) I can't.

Dr Long:Twist me into a pretzel with you awesome strength?

Bruce:(even more dejected) Can't.

Dr. Long:Cloud my mind with evil thoughts.

Bruce:(almost silent) Can't

Dr. Long:Sit down Bruce.

Bruce:(sitting) Sorry.

Dr. Long:Now, Bruce what else has occurred that has brought you to this point of such self doubt?

Bruce:Well, another incident that really sticks out in my mind is when I had a great opportunity to make a good impression with a certain female feline .

Dr. Long:(Taking notes, to self) Confused sexual identity...

Bruce:(Starts to protest) I.... (But then just continues) Anyway, I was supposed to meet her downtown at midnight. I show up in my mobile. And I must mention my mobile is awesome.

Dr. Long:You mean car? Right?

Bruce:What else? Anyway, I see her waiting for me and so like a gentleman I hop out to open her door. But, as I do my utility belt gets hooked on the streering wheel and comes off my waist. It all happened so fast it's a blur. The next thing I know the door shuts with my belt on the navigation chair and the anti-intruder, laser activated, shutdown program initiated.

Dr. Long:(Taking notes, to self) Key chain on front seat with doors locked. (To Bruce) What next?

Bruce:Well, without my belt I couldn't do anything. That's the point! A superhero and I couldn't get into the mobile!

Dr. Long:Let's not be too hard on yourself.