By Brian Weilert
Setting: Junior High dance. We start with Melanie (Mel), a young girl who needs the aid of a walker due to
a childhood disease, standing alone along the wall. She is later joined by her lifelong friend Tucker.
For this duet, a chair could be used to represent the walker.
Mel: (Singing along to music "Maniac" by Michael Sembello) Shes a maniac, maniac on the floor. And shes dancin'
like she never danced before. Do do do do do do do do do...
Tucker: Hey, Mel.
Mel: Tucker. (Singing again) Maniac, maniac on the floor.
Tucker: What do you think?
Mel: It's okay I guess. I thought the 80's theme would be lame but at least people are dancing this time.
Tucker: Yeah, (Awkward beat or two spent with the two of them bobbing their head to the music and singing under their
breath) Speaking of maniac, d'you see Beth out there grinding all over? She thinks she's all hot and stuff. Shed look
stupid if she....well....you know.
Mel: Yeah, I know. If she really wasn't all hot and stuff.
Mel: Well, at least get your tongue back in your mouth. Your fake disgust over her pelvic thrust would be far more convincing
Tucker:(Sarcastic) Ha, Ha.
Mel: You come with anyone?
Tucker: (embarrassed) My Mom.
Mel: I mean to the dance.
Tucker: I know what you mean. She's chaperoning tonight. (Points to his mother. You can tell she catches his eyes as
he give a weak smile and wave across the room.)
Tucker: Yeah. It's not so bad. At least I don't get grilled when I get home. (mimicking mom) "Did you have fun?,
Did you dance with any pretty girls?" Blah, blah, blah. I swear one of these times I'm going to shock her, "Got no clue Mom.
I was too busy drinking beer, smoking cigs and having sex in the parking lot to go in."
Tucker: Serious, she still treats me like I'm seven. I'm thirteen for crying out loud. I could like fight for my country
and stuff in 4 ½ years.
Mel: I know what you mean. My dad thinks just because I can't walk very good that I still fill my diaper. So, the other
Tucker: (interrupting, serious, whispering so others wont hear) You wear a diaper?
Mel: No doof. I mean he treats me like a baby.
Tucker: Whew, glad to hear that. About the diaper thing not about the baby thing. (a new song comes on) Oh, this
song is by that dude that wore make- up and stuff; Boy George Bush or something like that.
Mel: Try to stay with me here Tucker. (Motions with hands) Follow the bouncing red ball. I was trying to tell you
how he still thinks of me like.. like I'm fresh from the womb..
Mel: Right, anyway the other day I bought this bra at Dollar General.
Tucker: (Putting fingers in ears) Okay, too much info Mel.
Mel: Grow up Tucker, girls wear bras. I spared you the fact that I got tampons too.
Tucker: (Fingers quickly back in ears, singing song "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me" by Culture Club) Do you really
want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry?
(Taking one finger out, speaking now) You done?
Mel: Sorry, It's just that you're my best friend and I dont have anyone to really talk with now that mom's ......(Drifting
Tucker: Yeah, I get you. I forget sometimes. (Looks around to find his own mom, sees her and waves)
Mel: Dad tries an all but he's so busy and well, he really is clueless. The other day he thought we'd connect, he tried
to be cool, "modern dad" and he went out and bought me underwear.
Tucker: So, my mom does that. Come to think of it, so do both my grandmas every Christmas. Well, that and tube socks.
Mel: Tucker, he bought me thong underwear.
Tucker: (Fingers quickly back in ears, singing again) Do you really want to make me cry...
Mel: (Pulls his fingers out of ears) Would you stop that!
Tucker: Me stop it, how 'bout you? Your grossing me out for cripes sake. I'm a visual learner.
Tucker: So! When you say thong, I see you in a thong! There I said it.
Mel: Oh....(Pauses, thinking) Is that really so gross?
Tucker: YES! (Sees he has hurt her feelings) I mean no, I mean.... Cripes Mel what am I supposed to say?
Mel: Nothing, you should stop while your behind.
Tucker: Mel, I don't want to see any girl in a thong.
Mel: I bet if ol' pelvic pumping Beth was out there in one your eyes would be bulging out of your head like Mr. Mew on
Tucker: Ouch, low blow Mel bringing in my dead cat. You know Mr. Mew and I were tight.
Mel: Serves you right; calling me gross.
Tucker: I didnt call you GROSS!
Tucker: DID NOT!
( Both turn sharply away from each other. A new song has come on and it is the duet You and I by Eddie Rabbitt and Crystal
Gayle. Tucker begins singing Mel joins)
Tucker: Just you and I
Mel: Just you and I
Both: Sharing our love together
Tucker: And I know in time.
Mel: And I know in time.
Both: Well build the dreams we treasure. (Both look at each other and start laughing)
Mel: You goober
Mel: Nice one (Pause) I'm sorry about bring up Mr. Mew.
Tucker: No problem, let's just let laying cats lay.
Mel: Cute. (Pause) Tucker?